


Melatonin

by InSearchOfSpace



Series: Works Inspired By Songs [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: (First chapter is a lot less dialog heavy than the others), Dead Nepeta Leijon, Dissociation, Dream Bubbles, Dreaming, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Guilt, KATNEP FOREVER, Sleeping Pills, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-12
Updated: 2018-06-18
Packaged: 2019-05-05 06:26:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14611557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InSearchOfSpace/pseuds/InSearchOfSpace
Summary: After dozing off in the land of the living, Karkat finds himself very briefly running into Nepeta in the dreamworld - The first time he'd seen her since her death. Their meeting awakens a myriad of different emotions in Karkat that he didn't even realize he was even feeling. The more they meet, the more detached Karkat becomes from the waking world, to Nepeta's chagrin.





	1. Only In Dreams

Karkat lazed on the couch, staring into the television with more disinterest than he could ever even hope to express. He must have watched every movie they had on this rock tenfold by now. It was the price he paid for going out of his way to be a loner, he supposed. The others mostly just got their entertainment from chatting and generally being social; it's not like anybody else was watching these movies but Karkat. Still, sometimes 'chatting' just didn't cut it for Karkat. He valued the time spent by himself, and if that meant watching a lethally-cheesy RomCom for the umpteenth time, then so be it. 

 

Of course, that was if he could manage to stay awake through it. His sleep schedule was appalling, and laying on something (somewhat) comfortable for extended periods of time _could_ potentially coax Karkat into a nap. That seemed to be what was going on right now at least, given that he was now laying with his head against the arm of the couch, his eyes slowly fluttering closed. It didn't feel like falling asleep to Karkat, it just felt like he was resting his eyes for a few moments. In fact, he didn't even know he was asleep until he woke up somewhere new entirely. A strange and whimsical land that most definitely was not the ratty couch he was just laying on. He was on the ground in a patch of grass, beside a flowing river that was emitting the most soothing of sounds. Fish leapt around in the stream every so often, and the area was dotted with trees too; they had pink leaves, and not a single one seemed to have dropped on the ground. It was an unnaturally calm atmosphere, like the kind of place that could make somebody feel that everything was going to be alright forever. Even somebody as grouchy as Karkat.

 

He picked himself up with a sigh, carrying on through the trees as he looked all around himself, taking in the scenery. Even he had to admit it was a pretty beautiful thing to behold. He couldn't say he recognized it though, but it was hard enough to wrap one's thinkpan around this Dream Bubble business in the first place. A little further down the way, a twig snapped a behind him, which of course immediately alarmed Karkat. He instantly span around to try and catch a glimpe of whatever was lurking behind him. Nothing. He continued to search around regardless, not convinced that the twig happened to break by chance.

 

He glanced to the right. Nothing there but flowers, blades of grass, and leaves gently blowing against the breeze. He glanced to the left. All he could see wa--

 

" _themightyhuntressCREEPSup_ **_AND POUNCES ONTO KARKAT!_** "

 

A green, grey, and blue blur lunged forwards and immediately latched onto Karkat. That voice was completely unmistakable, though right now Karkat had to focus on not falling over. "Fuck! Nepeta would you just--?! Stop!" He called out, staggering backwards, until he toppled over and fell down on his backside, with Nepeta still clinging onto him. She was quick to let go and shuffle back once he was on the ground, kneeling in front of him. Now that the tacklepounce was out of the way, Karkat had a chance to collect himself and assess the situation here.

 

"...Nepeta?" He said, raising an eyebrow. He didn't think he'd ever been so glad to see her before in his entire life. He had to admit, she really hadn't crossed his mind all that much since her death, but for a few moments back there, when she jumped on him, things felt like they did before she died. Hell, it even felt like it did before the game too, back on Alternia. Like they were just little kids getting on each other's nerves again. 

 

Actually, he was the only one who ever really got annoyed. Karkat rubbed the back of his neck thinking about that one until Nepeta piped up a couple seconds after he spoke her name in disbelief.

 

"The one and only!" She giggled, throwing her arms out as if to say 'Look at me!'. A quiet, almost nonexistent chuckle escaped Karkat, but not much else. "Well actually, there are a lot of Nepetas now, what with all the different timelines and stuff... Who could pawssibly know if you're even my Karkat?" she mused, putting a finger to her chin in thought. Karkat thought about that for a few seconds. He wondered if this could indeed be the Nepeta from his timeline. That was pretty much a one in infinity chance, but he guessed she was maybe from a similar enough timeline. "I suppaws you're still alive, huh?" She said, leaning forwards again to look at his eyes.

 

"What? Yeah, I'm still alive. For now. I'm waiting until my body gets crushed into fucking dust under the weight of the stress I'm constantly under. A pleasant experience it fucking is not." He said, trying to avoid looking into her eyes until he had no choice, lest this encounter become extremely awkward. Her eyes were completely white and vacant, but still strangely expressive. Once he gazed into them, it was a struggle to look away.

 

"Aw, I'm sorry to hear that, Karkat! But I'm pawsitive you're exaggerating things! If AC recalls correctly, mew did that a lot." She said with a laugh, reaching out to wrap her arms around his body, pulling him into a hug that kept his arms constricted to his sides. Her cheek brushed against his as she put her head over his shoulder, holding onto him. Karkat tensed up and went completely still, his eyes wide. His bloodpusher felt like it was working overtime too, like it was going to explode if it went just a few beats faster. Nepeta used to hug him all the time back when she was alive and he'd never react like this. Admittedly, he would always stay completely still like he was doing now, but it was more of an eyeroll moment than a 'what the fuck is happening to me' moment.

 

"I miss you." Karkat said in a monotone voice, with no emotion. Like he'd finally caved in after someone had been prying an answer from him that he was reluctant to give. What the _fuck?_ Where did that even come from? It was already too late to right this wrong. "The fuck? I'm sorry, I don't know where the fuck that--"

 

"Awww!"

 

Too late. Nepeta clasped her hands together and held them against her chest before pulling him into an even tighter hug, rocking him back and forth. "Karkitty, that is so sweet! Ahhh! That was so sweet it's rotting my teeth!" She said with a giggle, nuzzling against his neck, and just generally getting close to him. This continued until Karkat gently pushed her back. "No, I--..."

 

She looked up at him with a confused expression, but her eyes were still looking into his own (best as he could tell).

 

His mouth opened, but no words came out. He gave it some thought, and... Well, it wasn't like he was wrong. He did miss her.

 

He placed his hand on the back of his neck, gently rubbing it as he avoided eye contact again. "...I don't know. I feel really fucking weird right now, and I have no fucking idea as to why. I think I need to go lay down or something." He sighed, about to get up and leave.

 

"You are laying down, silly! You're dreaming!" She said as she covered her mouth with her hand as she giggled. Oh. Yeah, she was right about that one. Maybe he just felt so at home talking to her that he forgot that he wasn't even in the real world. Maybe not.

 

He just looked down at her. The more he looked at her, the more apparent it became to him that he really did miss having her around. She was just so lighthearted and fun, even if they didn't talk all that much. He wordlessly knelt back down in front of her exhaling through his nose. He felt calm again.

 

"I missed you too, Karkat." She said quietly.

 

He was shaken awake by another friendly voice, but it still seemed jarring to Karkat, who flinched as he woke up. "I think you've spent quite enough time occupying the couch." Kanaya said, looking down at him. The movie that he had fallen asleep watching was now off.

 

"What the fuck?! What the Hell was that for?" He said, scowling up at her as he sat up on the couch, rubbing his cold arms. 

 

"No reason. I just assumed you wouldn't want to spend all night on the couch was all. A well-rested Karkat, is a moderately happy Karkat." She said jokingly, which was apparent in her tone. Karkat just ignored it, and immediately got up in his especially grouchy, groggy state. As he made his way out, he stopped by the door, looking back at Kanaya.

 

"I saw Nepeta." He said, his grumpiness slowly fading. Or at least, a small portion of it. 

 

"While you were asleep? I've seen quite a few. She's just as sweet in every timeline it would seem." She smiled, holding her hands in her lap.

 

"No, no." Karkat dismissively waved his hands, still barely awake, which was obvious in the things he was saying and the way he was talking. "I didn't fucking see _a_ Nepeta. I saw _Nepeta_. It was-..." He looked down at the ground for a moment and then looked back up at her. "...I'm going to sleep." He gave up on finishing his sentence, walking out with the blanket around his shoulders trailing on the floor. Kanaya looked confused, but didn't question it all that much.

 

His meeting with her was only brief, but Karkat still felt like it had a huge impact on him. He hadn't been this confused in a long time.


	2. Making Up For Missing Moments

Karkat couldn't get back to sleep for the remainder of the night, as much as he wanted to. Karkat was no stranger to a few restless nights, having dealt with them plenty in the past. This time it felt more frustrating however, almost as if there was something at stake. He knew full well he wanted to go back to see Nepeta, he just didn't know why. He was thinking about it for quite some time, sitting propped up against the wall as he wondered just what it was that was driving him to try and get back to the bubble. Maybe he felt bad about the way he treated her in life, and lord knows he certainly _did_ feel bad about it now that she was gone. He felt like he took her unwavering friendship for granted, so he figured the least he could do was say he was sorry. 

 

Come morning, Karkat was still in the exact same groggy state he was in when Kanaya woke him up hours prior, blanket around his shoulders and his hair even messier than usual. With a sigh, he left his quarters and made his way to what used to be the computer lab, where he knew everybody else would be congregating once they woke up. After transportalizing in, sure enough, everyone was there. Kanaya and Rose were already canoodling on the couch, and Dave was sat on a chair, drumming his fingers against the table. Terezi was likely off drawing on something.

 

"Morning, Karkat! I see you've awoken about as gracefully as usual." Rose said with a smile. The three were immediately aware of his presence, and seemed happy enough to see him, despite the light teasing. It literally looked like he entered the lab in the exact state he woke up in, which was odd. There were very, VERY few occasions were Karkat would leave his room without making himself presentable first.

 

"Oh, that is if he awoke at all. This one was dozing on the couch when I found him." Kanaya added with a smirk. Karkat's expression remained neutral as he looked between the two as they spoke, still standing on the teleporter that he came in on. "You're right, I didn't wake up, because you fucking ripped me from what modicum of sleep I was going to be getting this week." He replied with an eyeroll, his tone of voice accompanied with a layer of venom that he spoke with so often that it became comforting, in the sense that it was just 'classic Karkat'. 

 

"Hey, you've gotta be on your best behaviour if you're hanging out in here with us, KK." Dave chimed in, leaning back on the chair with a little chuckle. 

 

"I'm not. I'm going back to sleep. Bye." He groaned, before he unexpectedly left the room just like that. It wasn't too out of character for him, admittedly, but it was still a little iffy, and concern could be felt in the air. There was roughly 5 seconds of surprised silence until somebody piped up again.

 

"...Did Karkat seem a tad off to anybody else?" Kanaya asked, and was only met with shrugs.

 

Karkat had already marched straight back into his room, dropping the blanket. The very first thing he did was plunge into the recuperacoon, immersing himself in the thick viscous green liquid. It took a few moments for him to get settled, but soon enough he started to feel himself slipping into sleep's warm embrace. Usually Karkat would never sleep in the day. In his opinion, it was pure fucking laziness, and it reflects badly on you. Yet here he was. He just _had_ to get back.

 

The transition felt instant. Even though his eyes were slowly falling shut in the real world, it felt like it  was in the blink of an eye that he was already back where he was last night, feet planted on the ground in the same tree covered landscape he initially arrived at. He began striding into the treeline with purpose. He was going to get to the bottom of this before it got any more frustrating.

 

"Hey, Karkat! That was quick!" Nepeta called out, looking down at the upside-down Karkat that was now standing before her. He wasn't actually upside down, but it appeared that way to her while she dangled from a branch by her legs, with her long green coat bunched up on the floor beneath her in case she fell. Which she wouldn't.

 

"It's been hours." Karkat replied with an eyebrow raised as he looked up at her. 

 

"Oh, really? Time really flies over here! I guess that's the afterlife for you, huh?" She giggled, pulling herself up so she could perform a somersault off of the tree and onto the ground. "Ta-da!" She beamed after she landed it perfectly.

 

"Stop playing around. What the fuck did you do to me?" He said rather accusingly, folding his arms. Nepeta looked taken aback by the question, putting her hand on her hip.

 

"I greeted mew! Duh!"

 

"I'm serious, stop it."

 

"What did I do to you when? AC regrets to inform Karkitty that she hasn't the faintest idea of what he is talking about. She is simply purrplexed!" She scratched the side of her head, tilting it in confusion

 

"Ever since we spoke last night, I haven't been able to stop fucking thinking about you. It's getting on my nerves and I want it to stop, now." He said, huffing in frustration at her confusion. It seemed like as of now, he didn't realize how ridiculous that the notion she'd done something to his thinkpan actually was. He couldn't seem to just admit that he enjoyed her company and friendship, to the point where it was an easier option to jump to the conclusion that foul play somehow came into it.

 

She shook her head, putting her hands up in defeat. "I'm sorry, Karkat, I really can't help you there!" Her hand returned to her side. "If it helps, I was thinking about you too!"

 

He looked down for a moment. He was being a little out of line there, wasn't he? What could she have even done anyway? "...Right."

 

Nepeta began walking on the path, gesturing for him to follow her. He did so, walking at her side at the same pace. Karkat felt the need to change the subject, lest he feel like even more of an ass. "Well... What were you thinking about me?" He asked, shoving his hands into his pockets as he looked up. The trees blocked out the view of the sky, but little rays of light still shone through. 

 

"I was thinking about when you said you missed me." She said with a warm smile, nudging him gently to get his attention back.

 

Karkat immediately looked offended, and naturally, grew defensive about it. "What about it? Is it so wrong to miss my fucking friends now? When did you decide that one, Nepeta?" He said sternly, narrowing his eyes as he looked at her.

 

Nepeta pursed her lips when he subtly told her she was his friend. She was going to hold onto that one for a while. No longer walking with Karkat, she held her hands together in front of herself. "Karkitty, relax! I never said it was a bad thing! It's actually kind of sweet!" 

 

Karkat stopped to look back at her. There he goes again, being out of line. There goes his bloodpusher too, when she called him sweet. It was doing that thing he fucking hated: That thing where it sped up. He took his attention away from her, sitting down by the side of the trail with his legs crossed, holding his head in his hands. "You're right, I'm being an asshole... The entire fucking reason I came here was to apologize and I'm even fucking _that_ up." He sighed, looking up at her. She was quick to roam over to him, joining him on the ground. 

 

"Apologize..? Fur what?" She asked, sitting with her hands on her knees as Karkat looked up at her. It looked like it was hard for Karkat to get the words out. Whether or not he knew it, he'd been carrying this weight for a long time. 

 

"I... Look, I was a fucking prick to you before, when we were alive. A real fucking A-Grade bulgesmoker. I had my head so far up my wastechute that I couldn't stop for one measly second and question what the fuck I was actually doing. You didn't deserve it, and I'm sorry. You don't have to forgive me, I just want you to know--"

 

Nepeta's arms wrapped around him delicately and slowly, her head against his chest, listening to his rapid heartbeat. "Apology accepted." She said quietly, still holding onto him. Karkat caved in, putting his arms around her in response with a heavy, weighted sigh of relief. "...That I never meant it. I always... Valued you." He finished, eyes closed. They held onto each other for about a minute after that. It was a tender moment, but it had to end at some point. Nepeta was the one to pull away, rising back up to her feet. Karkat followed suit.

 

"So, um..." She avoided eye-contact at first, but couldn't help herself. Her blank eyes met his, and it wasn't at all awkward like she thought it might have been. It felt more natural than avoiding them did. "Shouldn't mew be awake right now? Everyone else is." She pointed out, leading him along the trail again. Much slower than before.

 

"What?" He was confused at first, until the penny dropped. It was morning. He should have been awake with everyone else. "No, I don't want to be." He said, looking back at her. "I wanted to talk to you some more. Spend some more time with you. I owe you that much." He said, raising his hand. At first he wasn't sure what to do with it, and it was obvious in his timid movements, but he settled for a light pat on her shoulder. Nepeta responded by wrapping an arm around his waist and yanking him close - all without even looking at him. It surprised Karkat, but he didn't complain. 

 

"Well... That's nice of you, but I think maybe you should go and see efurrybody else too! I mean, I'm sure you wouldn't want to spend all of your time with just me, right?" She asked, laying her head against him affectionately. 

 

"I wouldn't be adverse to it." Karkat muttered, looking around and scratching the back of his neck. He was met with a smile from Nepeta.

 

"Well, if you're certain, I'd _love_ to hang out with mew, Karkat!" She grabbed hold of his hand, placing her free hand in her pocket. Karkat's eyes widened, but he couldn't help but crack the smallest of smiles at her enthusiasm. Before he knew it, he was running hand-in-hand with her along the trail. "Come on! Let me show you this tree I'm trying to kick in half. I think I'm making some real purrogress!"

 

...

 

It felt like they'd been talking forever about everything and nothing. He let go of his usual uptight self just for her, so he could indulge in all the activities that she usually did for fun, including but not limited to (after MASSIVE amounts of persuasion on Nepeta's part and protest on Karkat's) a pretend tea party. Despite a lot of this being so new to him, Karkat hadn't felt this at home in such a long time. It was fun, and neither of them wanted it to end. Though it was going to have to, if only just for a little while.

 

They were both laying at the foot of a great tree atop a hill, hands behind their heads, looking at the sky. Nepeta was chewing on a long grass stalk idly, and Karkat was using his sweater as a pillow, leaving him in just a T-Shirt. 

 

"...Mew know you're gonna have to wake up soon, right?" Nepeta said quietly, turning her head to look at Karkat, which snapped him out of the borderline-euphoric state he was in. They spent hours together. It wasn't clear how many, but obviously he had to awake sooner or later.

 

"About any second now, I guess. I'll be back soon enough." He assured her, looking back up at the sky. Nepeta did so too, laying her hand out for him to hold, which he did. Tightly. 

 

"I always hoped we'd be friends like this, Karkat..." She said under her breath, shutting her eyes.

 

"...Me too." He replied. "I guess I just didn't realize before."

"Well... Better late than nefur!"

"Yeah..." Karkat sighed.

 

His eyes were flooded with green. He'd woken up in the recuperacoon, and after laying there in bliss for just a few moments longer, he pulled himself out, staggering towards the bathroom to freshen up. Back to feeling like crap again. 

 

He looked at himself in the reflection of the bathroom mirror, wiping off the sopor slime remnants before running a hand down his face. He felt lethargic, but he didn't care. These feelings didn't carry over into the dreamworld, and right now, that was all that mattered to him. Hell, even though she wasn't here with him, he was still in an amazing mood. Leaving his room, he felt ready to face the world and whatever it may throw at him. Which seemed to be Rose, walking down the hall past his room.

 

"Everybody else is still in the lab, right, Rose?" He called out to her. She turned around slowly to look at him, yawning.

 

"God no. I'm only awake to get a glass of water." She said, nodding to the glass in her hand, rubbing her sleepy eyes before carrying on back to bed. Karkat was shocked at first. "...Of course." He said, heading back into his room. He slept through the entire day and then some, it would seem.

 

Ah, what was the matter? He looked at his recuperacoon, and smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a lot more fun writing this chapter compared to chapter one! Feedback appreciated, as always!


	3. After Six Milligrams, We're Talking Again

"Is this a good spot?"

 

Nepeta span on her heel to face Karkat, holding a red chequered blanket against herself with both hands, her head inquisitively tilted to one side. Karkat raised an eyebrow, looking between Nepeta and the spot she was referring to.

 

"Does it matter?" Karkat said, extending his hand to gesture to the area she'd chosen, which was a patch of grass beneath a particularly large tree, offering a generous amount of shade. "The temperature literally feels non-existent here, thus making a spot in the shade irrelevant, and not only that, we're going on a picnic without any actual food. Scratch that, we're _on_ a picnic without anything that even fucking RESEMBLES food in the first place. So yes, this spot is perfectly acceptable for our blanket, and nothing else."

 

Nepeta thrust her hands up, propelling the blanket up into the air, gently laying it down on the ground before dropping to her knees to iron out any creases in the blanket with her hands. "See, around here we just say 'Yep'! Or even 'Ok'!" She smiled back at him before sitting on the blanket cross legged, looking up at Karkat as she patted a space in front of herself. Karkat rolled his eyes, and took extra care to not let a little smile escape him as he joined her on the ground.

 

It was crazy to Karkat that not too long ago, the two of them weren't anywhere near this close. They had become closer friends than either of them would have ever thought was even a possibility. They seemed like an unusual match, but it really seemed to Karkat that the two of them were really bringing out the best in each other, and Nepeta felt much of the same it seemed. Karkat would have continued this train of thought, but Nepeta had interrupted him by speaking up, lightly drumming her hands on her knees.

 

"I'm surprised at how often you've been here, Karkat! Kanaya, Rose... I haven't seen either of them around here nearly as much as I've seen you. Though maybe that has something to do with the fact we've been constantly hanging out, huh?" She said, nudging him with her elbow.

 

"Right." Karkat replied, avoiding eye contact somewhat guiltily, but his nervous facial expression was quickly wiped from his face.

 

"I kinda forget mew are actually still alive sometimes..." She said with an _almost_ straight face. A completely straight face was hard for a Leijon to achieve, being as bubbly as they are.

 

His neutral expression dropped into a frown. "...Sometimes I don't know if I even fucking deserve to be.--"

 

"NO!" Nepeta lunged forward, wrapping her arms around his waist. "Karkitty, don't say that! Don't even think that!" She pouted, holding him tight.

 

"What? It's true. I've been a miserable fuck up these past few--"

 

"Karkat! AC is mortified that Karkitty would even THINK about entertaining such dark and gloomy thoughts!" She said, sitting back to look at his face. Karkat frowned. He was about to interject, but Nepeta seemed to still be going. "Mew know how much you mean to me. As a friend, and even as a leader! Karkat, these past few days--... Nights, whatever they were... They've been purrfect!"

 

"That doesn't change anything. You and Equius... It should never have fucking happened. Neither of you deserved it. It shouldn't have been you. I failed everybody." He said quietly, clearly looking very troubled. Nepeta's hands slid up to his shoulders, and her grip only tightened. 

 

"You did your best, Karkat! What makes you think anybody else could have done a better job..?"

 

"Because I fucking blew it? I fucked up _bad._ " He sighed, shutting his eyes for a couple seconds before opening them back up, looking into Nepeta's ghostly white eyes. "No offence. Really. But trying your best means jack shit when you do so badly that you might as well have not even tried."

 

"It means a lot to _me_... You didn't 'not try', Karkat, you did try! It shows you cared! And I--... I'm glad you care! You cared about all of us! Even me!" She said, placing her right hand on top of Karkat's.

 

"What? Of course I cared about you, I--..." He let out a sigh. "It just weighs down on me sometimes. Sometimes it just gets too much to take..." He said, the hand not being held by Nepeta gripping the blanket beneath him, knuckles whitening from the pressure he was exerting through his fingers.

 

"That's fine Karkat... But nobody blames you." She said, leaning in slightly closer with a smile. Karkat almost smiled back, still looking into her eyes as she moved closer. His hand turned over to hold Nepeta's, swallowing somewhat nervously.

 

"I needed that..." He said quietly, his voice slightly hoarse as a result of the lump of grief he'd developed in his throat.

 

"Karkat?" Nepeta's grip on his hand tightened.

 

"...Yeah?" Karkat returned the squeezing.

 

"...Can I tell you something?" Her cheeks became lightly dusted with green. Her bloodpusher was beating faster by the second. Karkat's was too, but he was too focused on Nepeta to notice and internally complain about it. "I've felt this way fur a long time, but..."

 

Hands gripped Karkat's sweater, yanking him out of the comforting green slime. 

 

"Where have you been?!" Shouted a very cross looking Kanaya, her sleeves rolled up so she could pull Karkat out of the sopor slime.

 

"What... Fucking..." Karkat breathed heavily from the shock as he came to, his eyes half-lidded, dark rings around the sockets of his eyes as he looked around the room, confused. Dave and Rose were also present, watching Kanaya prepare to give Karkat a stern talking to. She placed him down on the floor so he could stand up, and God was it uncomfortable to be awake. Every movement he made felt sluggish, and his vision was still ever so slightly blurry. 

 

"I was _sleeping_." Karkat barked back. "Who the fuck said you could come in here? This is _my_ fucking room anyway!" He replied, pissed off to no end that he had been woken up.

 

"You really didn't leave us any choice." Dave said, scratching the back of his neck as Rose nodded in agreement. 

 

"Sleeping? You were  _sleeping?_ Karkat, it's been DAYS. Nobody has seen hide nor hair of you, and your only excuse is that you were sleeping? This is extremely unlike you." Kanaya continued to stare daggers through him, placing her hands on her hips.

 

"What the fuck difference does it make?!" Karkat argued, hands extended at his sides in confusion.

 

"It's not healthy, Karkat." Rose said, stepping forward to stand by Kanaya. "We've been worried about you."

 

"Don't." He immediately replied, putting his hand up as he dragged himself over to the door. "It's been sweeps since I've felt an inkling of the happiness and self-worth that I feel in there." He said, pointing at the recuperacoon. "And don't even fucking try and understand either. I don't expect any of you to even be able to. The door is here. I'll leave when I have something to live for out here." He narrowed his eyes at the three, pointing at his open door.

 

Dave exhaled before speaking up. "Karkat, that's not--"

 

"Just... Go, alright? Do this for me." He said, no longer looking angry. Far more melancholic than pissed off. Kanaya looked heartbroken to be hearing this from him. Rose and Dave did too. Swallowing sadness, Kanaya gripped Rose's hand and began to walk out with her, with Dave in tow. 

 

"Let's go. Maybe the real Karkat will come out to see us at some point in the foreseeable future." Kanaya huffed, Rose and Dave looking back at him as they left, Karkat shutting the door almost immediately, before sliding down the wall and sitting back against it with his head in his hands. Headache. He grit his teeth before picking bits of slime out of his hair and off of his sweater.

 

Did he feel bad? Terrible. But he was in a shitty place right now, and he knew exactly what he needed. It wasn't out here. Part of him wanted to run back out and apologize, but the stubborn part of him got back up and decided to take it on the chin, taking himself back over to the recuperacoon and climbing back inside of it. He closed his eyes as he floated motionless in the calming, soothing green goop, and he waited there, eager to be taken back to the dreamworld once more.

 

And he waited there.

 

And he waited there.

 

Minutes flew by, and he still waited there, growing increasingly pissed off.

 

He waited and waited, and fucking waited. Thirty minutes had flown by and he was still fucking waiting.

 

His eyes shot open and he grabbed the top of the recuperacoon, yanking himself out as he flew into a panic. He stood there, hands on his head, pacing as his bloodpusher accelerated rapidly. But not in the way it does when he's with Nepeta. The way it does when he's scared. He wanted to get back to her, but he couldn't. He breathed heavily, rushing into the bathroom to look at himself in the mirror. What the fuck was he going to do if he couldn't get back to sleep? He had no way of contacting her. What if she was worried about him? What if she thought something happened? This felt like a life or death situation. 

 

Then, he noticed the mirror. More specifically, what was behind the mirror. He reached out, discovering that the bathroom mirror was on the front of a small cabinet. Opening it up, he was met with an array of orange bottles. But there was one in specific that caught his eye. It wasn't in an orange medicine container, but it was certainly going to be of use to him. Sleeping pills.

 

He wasted no time in twisting the cap off. As a matter of fact, he twisted the cap off so aggressively that a few pills fell out and spilled onto the floor.

 

He tapped the bottle into his palm, dropping a handful of about three before chucking them into his mouth, turning the tap on to get a sip and wash them down. Twisting the water back off, he swallowed the pills and immediately rushed back to his recuperacoon, once more climbing in.

 

With the help of the sleeping pills, falling asleep was much easier. It happened in a matter of minutes, and left Karkat standing just outside the pink treed forest once again. He ran along the trail, sprinting as fast as he could to try and find Nepeta.

 

"Nepeta!" He called out, looking around for her like his life depended on it. Eventually, his frantic search led him to where their not-picnic was being held earlier. The blanket was folded up, but Nepeta was nowhere to be seen. Panicking, Karkat turned around and began to run off again, before bumping right into her.

 

"Nepeta! Oh thank fuck. I'm okay, see? I'm fine." He said with a sigh of relief, his hands wrapping around her as he pulled her into a tight hug. Nepeta looked surprised, and very confused. 

 

"Oh! Um... That's good, I suppaws?" She said, looking down at the top of his head as he buried it between her neck and her shoulder. "I didn't really think anything had happened to you!" She admitted, patting his back lightly, prompting Karkat to back up and look at her.

 

"What? But I disappeared." He said, slipping his hands into the pockets of his pants, returning her confused expression.

 

"No duh! I just figured mew woke up!" She said, patting his shoulder before nudging it.

 

"But I did."

 

"So what are you doing here, silly? Mew should be awake with all your friends!"

 

Karkat pinched the bridge of his nose. "No, no. We went over that. Besides, they're the entire reason I woke up in the first place." He said, rolling his eyes. "They came right into my room. Can you believe that?" He said, shrugging it off like it was nothing.

 

The penny had dropped for Nepeta. "Huh?"

 

"They said they were worrying about me or something like that. It's fucking ridiculous, and I won't entertain the thought any longer. Now about--"

 

"Karkitty, why were they worried about you..?" Nepeta had a face of very genuine concern, and a tiny little frown adorned her lips.

 

Karkat sighed, now realizing that he had to explain himself. He wasn't about to lie to her, so what choice did he have? "...Look, I've been sleeping pretty solidly for a few days now. I had to eat a handful of sleeping pills just to be standing here telling you this. I just needed to be here with you, alright? I still do. Is that so bad..?" He asked with an expression of worry that was difficult to read because it looked so similar to annoyance. Par for the course with reading Karkat's emotions.

 

Nepeta shook her head. "It's... Flattering, but it's not how I ever wanted this to be, Karkat... It's not healthy fur you." She said, holding her hands together in front of herself. Karkat turned away, letting out a defeated sigh.

 

"Now you sound like them." He said, arms folded. Nepeta's arms wrapped around him from behind, and her head laid against his back. "Karkitty, we all care about you. That's why I'm sounding like them..."

 

Karkat sighed, his eyes watering. "I... I know they care. I'm glad you care too... I just--... Fuck..." He said, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand, turning around to look at Nepeta. She held both of his hands, pecking him on the lips.

 

"I love mew." Nepeta said very quietly, clearly still shy about it. It was a secret she'd been sitting on for a long time, but now she was just throwing it out there like it was nothing. She had to though. The moment was right.

 

"...I love you too." Karkat said back, dropping her hands to wrap his arms around her, pulling her into an embrace, which she eagerly returned. It was still crazy how this came to be. Karkat could never have seen himself here all those sweeps ago, but here he was, and here she was.

 

"I want you to be happy, Karkat. Beclaws I love you. I'm thrilled you love me too. I love what we have now..." She said, her wide, sad, vacant eyes looking up at his own, orange with tinges of red coming through. "But if you're gonna be munching sleeping pills and shrugging off real life just to see me, I... I can't be a part of that. Beclaws, I love you..." She said, squeezing his hands, Karkat nodding in agreement. She really did care about him. He didn't know anybody could care this much about him before. He forgot what it was like.

 

The veil had been lifted. Karkat was starting see how destructive he was being to himself, and he felt like kicking himself in the ass for not seeing it sooner. He should have known something was wrong when his friends came to tell him exactly that. He felt bad about it, but Nepeta was being so comforting. It was okay to make a mistake every now and then, after all...

 

Karkat took a deep breath, exhaling through his nose as he nodded. "Alright." He said as he held her hands. "Alright..." He repeated.

 

"I'm dead, Karkat... You're alive. We should be glad that we had a chance to talk at all, and we should thank our lucky stars that the circumstances allow us to share... This, even though I'm long gone!" She said, reassuringly rubbing his shoulders. "You don't need to be dead to be in love with me. You just need to be asleep! So... Please don't keep trying to be dead like this?" She said, tilting her head with a playful smirk, before pecking his lips once again.

 

Karkat nodded again, hugging her once more. "I promise..." He said, clutching her against himself. "Thanks, I guess, for giving me the shove I needed." He said, pulling back, looking into her eyes. Their gaze was short lived, as Nepeta had begun to close her eyes, and lean forward, her lips meeting his as she pulled him into a deep, loving kiss, a hand sliding up and down his back slowly as they kissed each other.

 

They kissed for about a minute before they both mutually pulled back, looking into each other's eyes once more. "Maybe when you fix your sleep schedule... We can meet up for a blanketed snuggle back over by the tree..?" She asked, smiling as she put forward her sickeningly sweet proposition. Karkat sat his head over her shoulder as he hugged her again, holding her against his body.

 

"I'd like that. You cannot begin to possibly fucking imagine how much I'd like that." He said, Nepeta's arms wrapping around him. They embraced for a little while longer before Nepeta spoke up.

 

"Hey, Karkat..?" She asked.

 

"Yeah?" He replied.

 

...

 

 

"Thank mew..." She said, eyes shut as she exhaled quietly, a smile forming on her face.

 

 

Slowly, green began to flood Karkat's vision. He was emotionally neutral as he returned to consciousness, and remained floating there for a few more minutes in deep contemplation. He only pulled himself out of the recuperacoon ten minutes later, sighing as he thought about Nepeta. He couldn't wait to see her later, and she was going to be on his mind all day for sure, but there was something else he had to take care of beforehand.

Life.

 

 

He exited his room slowly, still brushing chunks of slime off of his sweater. Kanaya was stood outside by a nearby wall, quite clearly fretting about Karkat.

 

"Kanaya." Karkat spoke up, instantly grabbing her attention. She turned to look at him, a hopeful look glimmering in her eyes.

 

"Karkat! You're up. I'd say that's... Quite long overdue." She said, still holding her hands together.

 

"No kidding." He replied, looking down at the ground. "I'm sorry. Really. I was being out of line,"

 

"...I'm pretty good at that." He finished as he looked back up at her.

 

"Oh, Karkat believe me, there's no ill will between us on my end." She said, clearly holding something back. After 5 seconds of silence, she finally said it. "Does this... Mean you're back?" She asked. When Karkat nodded, she instantly threw her arms around him, giving him a warm, friendly hug, which he slowly returned. "Excellent..."

 

The hug lasted for quite some time, and was more or less silent until Kanaya spoke up once again. "You're _covered_ in that slime, Karkat." She said with a slight chuckle.

 

"Yeah." He replied, still picking pieces off of his sleeves as he hugged her. "Are the others still around?"

 

"Of course. I think we'd best go and say hello." Kanaya smiled, letting go.

 

What a whirlwind these past few days were.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the song Melatonin by Silversun Pickups. As always, feedback is appreciated!


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